im writing a short story and im half way thru but the ending is WAY to obvious, please help. What shud i change??
story opens with dialogue, the protagonist is in a an office giving the paper work and forms to the guy whose gunna track down his bilogical parents, he pays the check and walks out to the streets of nyc, then walks home thinking to himself about his life, rejects a phone call from his mom since hes ovoiding tellin her about wanting to find his real parents. (hes in his late 20's btw) he sees a girl he passes in the streeet and she catches his eye so badly all he sees are her green eyes and he feels a special connection (i bet u already know the ending) andyways he spends the whole week thinking of her, then one day at the restaurant (hes a head chef at a restaurant in manhattan) he sees her they talk. her names jordan casey. and kinda begin to fall in love. next day gets a call from the guy, both parents died long ago, he may have a brother tho, he goes to the office, wen the guy takes out the paper he got faxed over with a copy with the brothers name. he gets a text from the girl that says i love you just as the guy reads out, "Jordan Casey". Well, not really a guys name after all...
please hellpp! its much more specific but u get the idea. i like it but wen i told my mom and friend they both guessed the ending wen he saw her in the street.Help with my short story ending is too obvious.?
i didn't guess it!
thats kinda sad that she's his sister, they cant be lovers!
i don't know how else you would end it because if you just did it where they weren't related then there would sort of be no point to her at allHelp with my short story ending is too obvious.?
I really like the premise of this story, but yeah the ending is a little obvious.
I'd say that he meets this woman on the street, she doesn't give him the name and when he gets the fax he goes to the house to find the 'brother' but it's really the girl.
or...
They're already dating when he finds out...and she was the one that helped him, and tonight was the night that he was gonna take 'a big step in their relationship' (i.e. proposing, moving in together, first kiss or 'more', etc.)
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