Thanks for reading this guys.
History and Facts:
I met my (ex)girlfriend in college. She was a freshmen and I was a junior. We went to college at Tulane in New Orleans. We dated progressively more seriously over the next year or so. I stayed an extra year to get a Masters degree in Finance. I graduated with a Masters in Finance a year ago and then shortly afterwards got a job in Houston which is where I am now. My girl wanted to stay with me. We did the long distance for the past year. I really wanted her to move to Houston after she graduated. She was resistant. My girl is from NJ (basically New York City). She really wants to go back to New York I believe.
About Our Relationship:
We always got a long. She and I always agreed that we were very good at communicating and resolving issues together. We had a relationship that was built on the foundation of a solid friendship. She is my best friend. We got a long and really just click. I make her laugh. I am a good looking guy from a good family with good values. I have a good job and am well educated and I am intelligent. I am ambitious and I come from a very well off family, which isn't a deal maker but should at least be seen as a plus right? I always treat her like a lady and with respect and kindness. I dance with her. I take her to nice restaurants. I took her to an amazing 5star hotel/resort vacation to Mexico 9 months ago. And we got a Rhodisian Ridgeback (85-100 high energy dog) together when we were in New Orleans. I am crazy about her and I really want to be with her.
The Problem:
She has commitment issues. I asked her to move to Houston where she has no friends or family for me. She has no job as of yet but for some reason thinks that New York is the place to be for a career (she just graduated from Tulane with a communications and english undergraduate degreee and she wants to be in marketing) that does not as of yet exist. However NYC is where her family is. She started pulling away around 3 months ago though I wrote it off to graudation anxieties. We had lots of talks leading up to graduation and she insisted she "us having a future together" and insisted I come to her graduation and all that jazz. SO OF COURSE i came. Then she goes back to New York and two weeks later says she is not moving to Houston. We have a big talk during which I was upset, and she wouldn't jsut break up with me. But She kept saying I dunno what I want right now etc etc and Saying that I put too much pressure and asked too much (which i did). It was unclear as to what happened but I think she didn't have the guts to break up with me and hoped i would do it, and I was not ready to just end end it and so we left it at some unclear area. She said she wants me in her life and wanted to talk to me BEFORE she left on her 6 wk long graduation trip to southeast asia.
WELL.... (if you are still reading this far you are champion thank you) neither of us calls one another until (last)Sunday night when she called me. (She left for asia on 6/6 by the way). We talked and many of the same things were said. She added that she felt that it was unfair that I get to choose the city without considering her and stuff like that, and that I had been unyielding and caused her a lot of stress. She said she tried to come around to moving to Houston but ultimately could not. I told her that towards the end I had started looking for jobs in New Orleans etc because I was willing to comprimise. However she insisted that I should have not taken that long to reach that conclusion. (which I privately think is kind of ridiculous but I didn't say that to her). She didn't want to break up but she did say she doesnt know where she is and thinks she needs a break. (Pretty bad huh?) She says she loves me and wants to call me when she gets back from Asia and wants to write me some postcards. I said do whatever you want...
Well you got the gist of it.
I think its over for good and she just lacks the guts to break it off cleanly and maybe even thinks we can be friends or something silly like that. I love her very much and I am heartbroken. I still hope that she comes around but I am spending my time reforming friendships here in Houston and working out (getting my faded out 6 pack going strong again). I cannot express how much I still hope it works but, this is not my first rodeo. This seems like its just over.
I am very confused.
Could it be that she just needs time? Or would that be kidding myself? I have had relationships before but never have I ever thought that a relationship was as strong as this one... perhaps I was just wrong... but I am surprised that she would walk away from a guy like myself (i am not trying to be cocky, but I had the right mix to be the one... and she would have been lucky to have me just as me her) and a relationship like the one we had? Or is it that she is simply just too young...
Thank you for reading and your help.
I am having trouble leStruggling with a Breakup: Is there still hope or am I thick headed?
She may be very close to he family and really does not want to be that far from them. It sounds like she really just wants to stay in NY. If she cannot make the move it is up to you. Do you want to be with her badly enough to move for her? I don't think she will compromise and meet you half way. So you need to decide if you want to make this relationship work. I will say you may be in for issues. If she cannot work with you on this, will she work with you on anything in the future or does she need to be in control? I can't imagine that anyone is unable to break up with someone but that may be true. Maybe she wants you to be the one who does it. I can tell you, she isn't going to move.
forget itStruggling with a Breakup: Is there still hope or am I thick headed?
Forget her! You already know what the future of your relationship will be like. Marriage presumes that you will have kids. And if that is the presumption, the income that you provide will support her when she can not (should not) work. This should be a major consideration that she fails to allow.
Look elsewhere.
no matter what you do here i doubt if this is going to work out, she seems to want things all her way. even if you compromise and live where she wants to live what problems will she find next.Struggling with a Breakup: Is there still hope or am I thick headed?
Hi...okay. 26/f. Here's my thought. It doesn't seem like she's in love with you. I'm sorry. That's just my view of what you've said. When you're in love with someone, you want them to be happy, and want to be with them no matter what. Her saying that she needs "space"...bulls*it excuse. That's what people say when they don't want to take the blame and be the "bad guy" for breaking up with a good person. You clearly have your head together, keep your head up and move on from this. If she's confused and wanting to run NOW..imagine what she will do when you have real problems, like children, mortgage and all that jazz...
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