when we went out for valentines day it was one thing for me to pay for the day as well as the first few times we went out. but recently it seems like im picking up everything. id think that since we are both in college we could come to sharing our costs when we go out. but it always seems like she doesnt have enough money in her checking account or she cant use her credit card because if she uses it any more this billing period, she wont have enough money to pay the bill.
it was recently my birthday a couple weeks ago so she wanted to take me out to a concert of one of my favorite bands. she bought the tickets which were $12.50 each, and claimed she wanted to pay for dinner too. but when we go to the restaurant, suprise! not enough money. im stuck with the bill. not to mention the subway fare for both of us all around the city. then this past week we're out at an italian place, and who doesnt have enough money for her portion of the bill, i covered it. then this weekend, we went to a play, because she said she wanted to take me to see this great musical. tix are $25 each. she only has $40 in her account, so naturally because its easier to do 1 transaction, i use my debit and pay the combined $50. we're early for the show so we walk around a park across the street where there s a big walk for hunger going on. we decide to get lunch at one of the fair vendors. she had given me the $40 she had withdrawn earlier in the day but then took $20 to buy the lunch, ok. Then, we're walking around the town in some stores, shoes and hat stores, "oh so cheap, do you have any money?" i pretend that i have no more cash because im tired of lending her money and im trying to teach her that it is not necessary to buy everything in sight, for example a hat i saw and liked for myself that was $40 in the store, i could afford it, but i dont need it right now, i plan to look for a better deal online or maybe go back later in the future to the same store. then, a couple days ago, her and A friend (she told me only 1 friend, i later found out there were 4 in the car) wanted to go to a 12:00 midnight showing of rock horror picture show at a theater about 30 mins away from our college. i have a car and the local mass transit system does not run past 11;30pm so theyd have no way of getting back later, naturally i let her borrow the car so they could get there and back and lent my portable GPS. the trip is about 20 miles each way + tolls. She has not paid me for the gas used (which she could have easily collected a couple bucks from each of her friends since if it wasnt for me they wouldnt have been able to go). she keeps calling these things loans. i have a part-time job on the campus, i make between $50-$100 in a week when i work if i am not too busy with papers or studying, she does not have any sort of job. i labored for the past 4 months sending cover letters and resumes, following up, and interviewig to end up with 2 competitive internships in nyc which both are unpaid/for school credit only. she had not been very proactive in summer job search so i offered to hook her up with my old summer camp job and she more or less scoffed at the idea of being a camp counselor. now her dad, an art and set design director for hollywood is attempting to set her up with a Personal Assistant gig on the set of some tv show he is working on which would reportedly pay her $500 a week. She keeps saying once she makes some money she is going to treat me to a nice steak dinner at a restaurant we both like but have never been to together.
is there some other issue i have that goes beyond the money things?Girlfriend and money issues?
Hey man. I'm a girl and I'm 11. I'm 11 and i already know that you need to dump her lol. I mean wow i can't believe she would do that to you. I think you should dump her like soon too because before you know it you'll be broke.Girlfriend and money issues?
u are wise and not foolish a bit like her. tell her whats going on or u will have to dump her. if she says fine dump me or whatever . go ahead dump the her . teach the h o e a lessonGirlfriend and money issues?
I believe there is an underlying issue and the money issues are stemming from it. The issue is your willingness to pay for her. If you want to go on dates and she has no money, behold you can't hold that against her. But when she's asking for gifts all the time...she's testing you man! I'm not saying she's a heartless ******, or deliberately using you. Just that women, particuarly the more attractive ones, are always testing men in this way as a means of qualifying them.
It sounds like you have a very well organised mind but its working against you, what with adding up every little thing your girlfriend costs you and trying to make sense of her responsibility in that cost. If you're complaining about money, that she isn't putting her fair share in. If she's cleaning you out and you're wondering where your next meal is coming from. If you feel like a fool and that you are paying for these things against your better judgement. If you resent her at times. These are the signs of a problem, and you are probably losing respect for each other mutually. I'll tell you how I think you should deal with it:
Ideally it wouldn't have gotten this far. If she's accustomed to having you buy her whatever she wants it will be harder to show her things are gonna change, and she might threaten to dump you or make you feel like you are making a mistake. You aren't making a mistake, and if she dumps you then so be it. You'll know better next time. Now, here's what you can do, instead of buying her everything she wants.
-If she asks you to buy her something, don't act like a serious parent and say "no". Make fun of it and pretend you are the parent, make her feel like the pretentious child when you tell her "maybe for christmas". If she wants a certain pair of shoes tell her you can't because you were thinking of buying the same pair for yourself. Tell her you spent out the gifts budget on your other girl friends. The attitude you want to show is "I'll buy you gifts when *I* decide to", but you should try and make everything fun and laid back. Do this, and she will probably enjoy her time with you better than if you were rich enough to simply buy everything she wants.
-Don't hold it against her if she can't put up "her part" of planned dinners and dates. If you're going to be paying for most things, make sure it is YOU who decides what you will be doing and which restaurants and how often. Then you can plan it according to your budget. Find more cheap/free things to do at other times, including cooking at home.
-Little things that she asks for that add up such as ice creams, pop corn when at movies, fruit smoothies while shopping etc etc. What I would suggest is to try and pre-empt that she might want these things at times, and ask her "hey I feel like an ice cream, would you like one too?". But when she asks for one of these little things that add up, say "cool - can you buy me one too?". And keep your wallet in your pocket. Again, the message should be, that you're the man with the money so you make the decisions. You decide when its time for a treat and you'd be surprised how much better SHE will like things that way.
Of course it might be too late with this particular girl, if that's the case then she might dump you when you stop buying her stuff. Whatever, its an inevitable out come. Next time you'll be stronger and deal with these girls a bit better.
No comments:
Post a Comment